I Wish I Had Her Job
by MrBillyD
Summary: Cordelia’s own carelessness gets her trapped in a Demonic Dimension, from which she will not be permitted to leave unless she herself becomes a demon.
1. Chapter 1

I Wish I Had Her Job

Cordelia's own carelessness gets her trapped in a Demonic Dimension, from where she will not be permitted to leave unless she herself becomes a demon.

I do not own any of the Buffy characters. They belong to the Producers of the TV Series Buffy: the Vampire Slayer. I also do not own the characters from other TV Series, who are mentioned in this story. They belong to the Producers of those other Shows.

I Wish I Had Her Job

By MrBillyD

1

Alone at last! Cordelia thought. I'm home! I've finished dinner. Now I can relax.

Today as always at Angel Investigations, there's been too much to do, not enough time, too much criticism, and never enough pay.

Today, on top of everything else, Angel got a call from Giles, who's back in England. He said that the Watcher's Council had lost track of most of the Potential Slayers. Over the past two months, they'd all just disappeared, from wherever they were in the world. No one had any idea where they were.

I have no idea, Cordelia thought, what they expect Angel to do about it. He promised Giles that we'd all look into it, and see what we (meaning me) could come up with.

After he hung up, she'd asked Angel, "If the Council can't find them, what do they expect from us?"

He'd shrugged and said, "Who knows?"

23 year old Cordelia Chase sat alone on the sofa in the living room of her apartment. She'd finished her dinner of canned ravioli that she'd heated in the microwave oven, and was now sipping from a half full glass of red wine.

The trim figured woman, with expensively coiffured black hair, remained dressed in the stylish white outfit, that she'd worn to work that day. She'd turned on the TV and sat watching CNN.

I'm having wine with Wolf Blitzer again. She thought, I've got to get a life!

After the News, she switched to the Demon Entertainment Network on Channel 666. That was recommended viewing, for demon fighters, like herself and anyone else who worked for Angel Investigation. Tonight, something she saw, might give her a clue as to the whereabouts of the missing Potential Slayers.

She now sat watching this week's episode of that Network's highly rated Travel Series: "Bloodthirsty Traveler". The show was a documentary. Everything she was about to see actually occurred.

The episode began, showing a narrow, winding trail, through a red colored jungle, shrouded in a yellow mist. A healthy, well-fed, full figured blonde woman in her mid-twenties, moved cautiously forward, dressed in only a pair of sandals. She carried a six-foot long spear in both hands.

She moved along looking to her right and left, trying to see through the thick foliage, while speaking softly; her voice picked up by a sensitive mike.

"The naked young woman sweated heavily in the hellish heat, as she walked along the path through the jungle behind her hut, without seeing the headhunter, who was hiding in the dark red foliage to her left."

Then she quickly turned to her left and leveled the spear. A man sprang out of the jungle in front of her. He was naked and held a three-foot long machete raised high. The woman leaped forward with a loud cry, plunging the entire spearhead into his chest.

The man howled in agony. She yanked the spear out of a deep, bloody gash in his chest. Her entire spearhead was red with blood.

She stepped back, out of the man's way as he collapsed onto the trail in front of her, where he lay dead.

She now looked at the screen, smiled, and spoke in a laughing tone. "I couldn't actually see him. But he sure was making a lot of noise."

Then she said, "Welcome everyone. My name is Kelly Bundy, and this is 'Bloodthirsty Traveler'."

She knelt beside the man she'd just killed. He wore a belt with a few shrunken heads tied on it. She picked up the machete that was lying beside him, raised it up high, then brought the blade down fast, slashing it all the way through his neck.

"In this episode," she went on, "You're all invited to join us, as we tour the exotic, deadly and bizarrely beautiful Demonic Dimension, of headhunters, cannibals, ritual warfare and human sacrifices."

She gripped her spear in one hand, and picked up the man's head in the other. Then she stuck the point of her spear, up through his neck.

She stood up, held the spear with the impaled head high, while grinning broadly.

"Now!" She announced, "'Bloodthirsty Traveler', explores...Beelzebubia!"

The Show's opening credits came on. That was followed by a commercial break.

After the break, the viewers were shown various sites, in and around Beelzebubia's Capitol City, Beelzebubapolis, while Kelly Bundy spoke the narration.

"Beelzebubapolis is a gleaming white city that swelters under a heavy orange sun and glaring green sky. The City is surrounded by lush red farmland, which stretches all the way to the active volcanic mountain range; 50 miles to the south and even further in all other directions.

"Beelzebubapolis is a City of museums, theaters, hotels, office buildings, libraries, and the University of Beelzebub."

Then she added, "Try saying 'Beelzebubapolis' three times, really fast."

In the living room of the Cordelia'a apartment she said quickly, "Beelzebubapolis. Beelzebubapolis. Beelzebubapolis. It's not that hard to say."

The viewers were then shown avenues lined with red fronded palm-trees, and Kelly Bundy browsing in elegant shops and art galleries. Then she was seated in a sidewalk restaurant, eating some very exotic foods, including what she said was human meat.

In Cordelia Chase' apartment, the overworked, underappreciated secretary, saw a caption appear on her TV screen saying, "Wouldn't you just love to have her job?"

On screen, Beelzebubapolis was also shown to be a City of one and two story, pastel painted stucco houses, with orange tile roofs, on narrow streets paved with blue cobblestones. Open-air markets were found in every district. Kelly Bundy was shown haggling over the prices of exotic goods. The citizens all looked well fed and healthy, and none of them were shown to be wearing anything above the waist. Neither was Kelly Bundy.

Then in the afternoon, brown cumulous clouds gathered over the City. Sheet lightning flashed between the clouds, and lightning jolts stabbed the streets, killing pedestrians who were not under cover, each time they struck.

This was followed by a downpour of acidic rain, in which everyone who remained outside was killed. The bodies of everyone who'd been killed by the storm lay untouched where he or she fell, except for those who were pushed out of the way of traffic, then left by the sides of the streets.

After the day's touring, there was a night scene. The episode's vivacious hostess was seated at a table in a sidewalk restaurant. The remains of her dinner lay in a plate in front of her. A wineglass containing a red liquid was in her hand, and a young, local guy sat beside her, with his arm around her shoulder, casually stroking her bare breast with his fingers.

She now wore a light green skirt, hanging a quarter ways down her thighs, matching pumps on her feet, and a shrunken head dangled between her uncovered breasts, on a chain of human knuckle bones around her neck. She also wore earrings; a pair of bracelets and a hairclip, all carved from human bones.

"In the morning," she spoke to the camera; "the monthly Sacrifices to the Demons Moloch and Beelzebub will begin, during which many Celebrants will die. I will be among the Celebrants. That means there is a chance that you might actually get to watch me, your Guide, being killed on your TV screen. Those of you, who are regular viewers, know that if that does happen, I won't be the first 'Bloodthirsty Traveler' Tour Guide to whom that will have happened."

That's true. Cordelia thought. The last Hostess for this Show was shown sinking into quicksand, until she'd totally disappeared, and the surface was smooth again. Other Hosts and Hostesses had been shown getting eaten by carnivorous beasts or plants; or dying in other colorfully entertaining ways.

On the TV, Kelly Bundy spoke laughing with a slurring voice. "And that's why they pay us those big bucks!

"Yeah--right! If we live to collect our salaries!

"Since I might die tomorrow," her voice continued to slur, as she leered. "I'm being a very bad girl tonight. I'm sitting here bare breasted; having just dined on well cooked human flesh. I've been drinking cocktails of human blood, mixed with 151 proof rum; and I am now extremely drunk. I am also very horny, and am going to be getting fu---I mean having casual, uncommitted, recreational sex with this studly guy who's got his arm around me, and giving my boobs a feel; whose name I'm not sure of, and who I will never see again after tonight.

"I promise that if I do survive the Celebration, I will go back to being a good girl; but tonight, I'm getting laid! Yeah! I can say it that way on Television! And I'm gonna be getting it good!"

On the TV Screen in Cordelia's apartment, the same message appeared saying "Wouldn't you just love to have her job?"

Then the picture revealed the dark interior of Kelly Bundy's hotel room. The shot was focused on the shrunken heads of a man and a woman, dangling from a hook on the wall, above the headboard of the bed. The pair of heads was softly illuminated by light coming through the window.

Off screen the bed creaked rhythmically, while Kelly Bundy moaned. "Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmmmmm! I'm coming! Oh! Aaaaaaaaaah!"

"Oh yeah!" Cordelia laughed, "I would love to have her job. She lives good, eats good, and she gets to sleep really good too!"

On the TV Kelly shouted, "Hey! What are they recording this?"

The scene changed again. On screen there were shots of sunrise over the City, and people beginning to go about their morning tasks.

Kelly was shown seated alone, at the same table where she'd been in the earlier nighttime shot. A large cup of coffee was in front of her. She had a sour look on her face.

"It is now the morning after the night before. I am completely hung over and totally fu---- out. My studly partner from last night is gone. Never to be seen by me again. Believe me. From now on, I'm being a good girl."

She now sipped some coffee from the cup in front of her, and had an even sourer look on her face.

Then she announced, "Last night, all of us Celebrants here in Beelzebubapolis, were having what might be our final fling. Today we're getting down to business! So let the Sacrifices begin!"

This was followed by a sequence featuring different acts of human sacrifice; all narrated by a clear voiced Kelly Bundy.

The sequence began with the Decapitation of two smiling Sacred Maidens, as Voluntary Sacrifices to the Demons Moloch and Beelzebub. This was followed by the deaths of 200 beautiful women, who were sacrificed with arrows through their breasts. This was followed by an equal number of men being hanged, and children tossed onto spears.

After this, male and female gladiators fought to the death in a local sports stadium. Kelly Bundy took part in this event. She fought among a group of women holding swords and shields, while again dressed in only a pair of sandals. She actually got to kill two opponents.

As she watched this sequence, Cordelia recognized the Squad's Leader. She was Faith; the other Vampire Slayer. She had disappeared from her prison cell about a year ago. Nobody had any idea where she was.

That'd be something to report to Angel about.

As the day's events went on, there were unexpected fatalities among participants and spectators. Then there were deadly fireworks in the evening.

There was also music, dancing and feasting on the roast meat of those who'd been sacrificed.

"And More!" According to Kelly Bundy.

Then the episode went to the following day. Kelly Bundy stood naked in the shimmering heat waves, in the middle of Beelzebubapolis' Main Central Plaza, with the bodies of the sacrificed displayed in the background.

She smiled pleasantly. "It's now a week since that opening sequence." She touched a dark object tied on her belt, with the fingers of her right hand. "This is the shrunken head of the man I killed then.

"The Sacrifices are completed. The Celebration has ended, and I have survived. Things are returning to normal here in Beelzebubapolis. From here, we'll be going down to the seaside resort town of Port Lucifer, where...Kuhn!"

An arrow had been shot through her left breast, gone through her lung, and was now poking out her back.

She looked at the feathers on the end of the shaft that was sticking out of a small bloody patch on her breast.

She muttered, "Oh sh---."

Then she looked back at the screen, and spoke with a raspy, gasping voice.

"Some folks are still celebrating!"

She made a choking sound. Blood came out of her mouth. She shut her eyes and collapsed.

The screen now framed the dead, naked "Bloodthirsty Traveler" Hostess Kelly Bundy, lying on the pavement in the Main Central Plaza of the City of Beelzebubobapolis, with the shaft of an arrow sticking out of her breast.

On screen, Faith the other Vampire Slayer stepped in front of the camera, carrying a crossbow and had a quiver of arrows tossed over her shoulders. She stood above the body of Kelly Bundy and smirked.

Then she looked at the camera and spoke.

"I killed this bimbo for f---ing my husband the night before last! On television! I want all of you people who are watching to remember this! Any of you bimbos who come here to Beelzebubia, and want to go around f---ing our husbands, this is what'll happen to you!"

As Cordelia Chase sat on the sofa watching, she said, "That's why this Show gets such high ratings."

The same message again appeared on the TV screen. "Wouldn't you love to have her job?"

"You better believe it!" Cordelia joked, "I'd get to travel to exotic locales. I'd be living good, eating good, getting laid by hunky studs. Sure I'd end up as a sexy corpse, but it'd be worth it!"

Then she rapidly repeated "Beelzebubapolis. Beelzebubapolis. Beelzebubapolis."

Then she said, "It's not that hard to say three times fast."

The following morning, Cordelia stepped out of her apartment, dressed for work. As soon as she shut the front door, she found herself standing outside the door to a thatched hut that stood beside a trail, through a red colored jungle.

She looked at herself. She was naked except for a pair of sandals, and was gripping a six-foot long spear in both hands.

I should have known. She thought. I was watching the Demon Network, and I made a wish. Then I twice repeated a demon's name three times. I of all people should have known better.

Then she sighed, shrugged and stepped away from the hut, turned a corner in the trail and kept moving forward.

Then she spoke. "The naked young woman sweated heavily in the hellish heat, as she walked along the path, through the dark red jungle behind her hut, without seeing the headhunter, who was hiding in the foliage to her left."

Then she quickly turned to her left, and leveled the spear. A man sprang out of the jungle in front of her. He was naked and held a three-foot long machete raised high. Cordelia leaped forward with a loud cry, plunging the entire spearhead into his chest.

The man howled in agony. She yanked the spear out of a deep, bloody gash in his chest. Her entire spearhead was red with blood.

Cordelia stepped back, out of the man's way as he collapsed onto the trail in front of her, where he lay dead.

She now looked up, smiled, and spoke in a laughing tone. "I couldn't actually see him. But he sure was making a lot of noise."

Then she said, "Welcome everyone. My name is Cordelia Chase, and this is 'Bloodthirsty Traveler'."

This was being watched by 38 year old Lyla Morgan, on the TV in her living room.

She thought, I wouldn't want her job. I've got a job of my own to do there. It'll be a lot more satisfying than that."

She rapidly repeated ,"Beelzebubapolis. Beelzebubapolis. Beelzebubapolis."

Then she said, "It's not that hard to say three times fast."


	2. Chapter 2

2

Cordelia stood naked above the dead guy's headless body, holding the spear. His head that dripped blood was impaled upon the point.

"Now!" She cheerfully announced, "'Bloodthirsty Traveler', explores... Beelzebubia!"

Then she stopped smiling. She looked around herself at the dark red foliage surrounding her, on both sides of the narrow trail, rising high above her, cutting off her view of the sky. She saw the black muddy trail ahead of her, and the yellow mist that engulfed her body, while she sweated heavily in a heat that really was "hellish"; rising from below the ground. She looked down at the dead guy. Then up at his head on the point of her spear. Then she looked around for anyone.

Who am I saying this to? She wondered, I've just said the same words that the Hostess of that Demonic Travel Show said to a TV camera and microphone. I don't see any camera or microphone.

Then Cordelia called out, "Hello!" Her voice trembled. "Whoever you are who's doing this! Okay! You've caught me!"

She began whimpering. "Now I've heard about a lot of bad things that happen to girls like me, who get captured by demons, and trapped in Demonic Dimensions. I have no idea what you're gonna do to me, but whatever it is, please don't get me pregnant with any of your demon spawn again! I've had enough of that!"

Cordelia listened. She heard no sound; not even a breeze rustled the foliage. All she did was stand there, above the guy she'd just killed, while sweating in the heat that rose from below her. She wondered if someone else was hiding in the foliage.

She called out again, "Remember the wish! I said that I wish I had the life of that TV Show's Hostess! That did not involve her getting pregnant! Is that okay with you? If it's not, just kill me now!"

She waited, and watched trembling, while listening and bracing herself for a fatal blow. After about a minute she hadn't died.

No answer. She wondered, Does that mean that whoever the Demon is, that's doing this to me, has accepted my terms? Maybe it means that he doesn't care what I've said, and he'll make me the mother of his demon spawn anyway? Maybe it means that he isn't there or that nobody is?

Okay then. Let's see where this trail's heading.

Then "Bloodthirsty Traveler" Cordelia Chase, stepped over the headless guy's corpse, and moved forward along the trail. The ground underfoot was warm. She'd gone about a half dozen steps, when her feet sank into the very warm black mud, up to her ankles.

"Quicksand." Her voice continued trembling. "Of course. Wouldn't be much of a Demons' Dimension, without a naked woman sinking into quicksand, would it? Fun's already started."

She took two more steps, and sank in over her ankles. Then she tried to pull her feet out, and sank down to the middle of her calves. Now Cordelia began to panic. She tried to push against the thick, hot, gritty muck with her feet, and sank in over her knees. She tried to kick her way loose, and went in even deeper, up to her hips. The muck around her legs was very tight, hot and she had no idea how far she'd sink, before she reached the bottom.

"Okay!" She shouted with full panic in her voice. "I get it! You don't accept my terms! I don't care! They're not gonna change! I'd rather be dead, than have another demon baby growing inside me!"

She sank in further, up to her waist in the quicksand, and continued to sink.

"I'm still not having any of your demon spawn!"

Now she was up to her breasts in the muck.

She began screaming at the top of her voice. "I thought I was gonna have that TV Hostess' life! She didn't die like this! That means I'm not supposed to die like this either! There's nobody here to watch me die; but millions of people saw her get killed on TV! Isn't that supposed to happen to me too?"

Cordelia continued sinking deeper. The hot, tight, gritty muck rose over her breasts, and reached her shoulders.

Again she thought, maybe nobody really is watching or listening.

She heard a loud crack to her right, followed by the sound of creaking and of a heavy object crashing through the shrubbery. A red leafed tree came crashing down through the foliage toward her. She shut her eyes, and threw her forearms across the top of her head, shielding her skull and made a final scream, preparing to get pounded to the bottom of the quicksand.

The tree smacked down onto the trail, right in front of her face, just missing her head.

Cordelia opened her eyes, still screaming. She raised her forearms and grabbed onto the narrow tree trunk in front of her. Then with a firm grip on the trunk, she slowly pulled herself up out of the quicksand and rolled sideways, stretching out along its length.

She lay there whimpering and panting, looking at the narrow hole that she'd made in the quicksand. As she watched, the mud slowly smoothed over the spot, where she would now be downing, with hot, gritty muck in her lungs, if the tree hadn't fallen just where and when it did.

She waited until the mud smoothed over, and again looked solid enough to walk on. She had caught her breath.

Then she wondered, What do I do now? Is there quicksand on both sides of this tree trunk? Am I trapped here? Well I can't stay here, and I can't go back. If I go back, I'll die. If I go forward, I'll probably die too.

I'll go forward. First I'll go sideways. I'll move around the muddy patches, while gripping onto the foliage along the side of the trail, and stepping on the roots. At least that'll get me to...Get me to where? To whatever's at the end of the trail; whatever that is. Probably something that'll kill me.

That's okay. Let him, or her, or it, try. Killing me has never been easy. Yes it has. I've just always had Angel around, or Buffy. Now, neither Angel or Buffy is here. That means I am gonna die.

Okay then! I won't be a wussy about it! I'll die fighting! Kill as many of them as I can first!

She looked around for her spear, with the dead guy's head on the point. She didn't see it.

It's probably deep down inside the hot gritty muck, with my sandals. So I won't die fighting. I'll just die, but I won't be a wussy about it.

It's time to go.

She got up on her hands and knees, and crawled along the tree trunk for a few feet, to the side of the trail. Then she gripped the trunk of a standing tree, and pulled herself up onto her bare feet.

Cordelia began moving sideways, stepping from tree roots to tree roots with her bare feet. She only had to go several yards, with her hands gripping the tree trunks, until she came to where the black muddy patch ended and a layer of thick red grass carpeted the trail.

She stepped out into thick carpeting, and with her bare feet hurting. She resumed walking away from the quicksand, and the headless guy she'd killed. Then she went around a bend in the trail.

Here Cordelia's way was completely blocked by a gigantic, open red venus flytrap. The carnivorous plant's open pod stretched out across the trail, rising halfway to her knees. That was the height at which she could easily trip and fall inside. Each side of the pod was as long and as wide as a large coffee table. If she fell into it, the plant would snap shut around her entire torso, and also parts of her upper arms, thighs and head. She didn't know if she'd be able to fight her way out. If not, she might die very slowly, and she had no idea how much that would hurt.

Beyond this plant, another venus flytrap was snapped shut, around a very large bulge. A woman's forearms stretched out limp, from between the plant's overlapping fronds, pointing in Cordelia's direction. The dark hair on the top her head was visible. The woman's handbag lay on the ground to the side of that second plant. On the opposite end of the bulging pod, the woman's feet were sticking out pointing downward, with a pair of blue denim slacks hanging from them.

Slacks and a handbag. Cordelia thought, clothing and maybe items I'll need. Probably some money. Credit or debit cards? Do they accept credit cards in a demon dimension? Why not? They were invented in one of them, weren't they?

Now how do I get around this plant that eats women, to get to the handbag and jeans?

Cordelia looked around. There was a large grey stone at her feet. She reached down, picked it up with both hands. It was very heavy. She raised the stone over the plant, and then dropped it into the center of the open flytrap. Both sides of the pod immediately snapped shut. Cordelia rushed around the first plant and came to the handbag, lying beside the bulging pod of the second.

Cordelia stooped down, picked up the large, slightly worn, dark green handbag, and looked inside. There was a wallet, lipstick, comb, hairbrush, and other items. She opened the wallet. It contained four twenty dollar bills, two fives and three singles; all U.S. currency. It also contained a pair of ATM cards. In the handbag, there was also a pair of mailed notifications, with the cards' pin numbers, advising the owner to "Memorize this number then destroy this form." 

The pin numbers had been mailed to a "Brenda Walsh, Beverly Hills, California."

Cordelia then put the cards back in the wallet. Then she put the wallet and the notifications back in the handbag.

She spoke to the woman inside the bulging red pod. "I hope you won't mind me using these Miss or Mrs. Walsh, but since you're dead, you won't need them anymore; and as long I'm still alive, which probably won't be for all that long, I will need them."

Cordelia then moved over to where the woman's feet were sticking out of the plant, and removed the pair of denim slacks that were hanging from them. This uncovered a pair of sneakers on her feet.

Cordelia held the slacks up against herself. They would fit very comfortably. She slid into the slacks. Then she reached over, untied the sneakers, removed them from the dead woman's feet, and put them on her own.

"Sorry again Miss or Mrs. Walsh," she said, "but you're not gonna be needing these either."

Cordelia asked the giant flytrap, "Does this make me your accomplice in murder and robbery, or are you mine?"

Then Cordelia stepped away from the flytrap, with the dead Miss or Mrs. Walsh melting in its mouth, and continued on her way along the red grass carpeted trail.

Now how do I get back to Sunnydale? Cordelia wondered. If I try to go back the way I came, I'd have to avoid getting swallowed alive by a giant venus flytrap. Then avoid getting swallowed alive by quicksand, and then avoid getting my head chopped off by some headhunter. If I manage to avoid all that, then what? If I get back to the door of that thatched hut, open it and step through the doorway, will my apartment still be on the other side? Will the thatched hut still be there? If it is, will it eat me?

I'm getting totally paranoid!

"Well just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you."

The trail through the dark red jungle made a sharp turn to the right. Cordelia stepped around it, and heard a loud distant rumbling. The ground beneath her feet began trembling.

She thought, Quicksand again? No. The ground's staying solid. It's a minor earthquake, like we have in California all the time. Even the rumbling. Except that this rumbling is much louder than you'd expect to get from a tremor this small.

She followed a turn to the left, and saw the end of the trail. There was an opening in the jungle, and a bright greenish light ahead.

Cordelia hurried along the earthquaking trail toward the opening, thinking, This is where I'll get killed, just when I'm within reach of safety.

She reached the end of the trail and stepped through the opening, out of the dark red jungle.


	3. Chapter 3

3

Cordelia had stepped out onto a hillside, overlooking a broad red valley, under a bright yellowish green sky. This Dimension's heavy orange sun crushed down on her, feeling like its edge was pressed against the ground. A few brown, cumulous clouds were gathered around the jagged peaks of a dark mountain range that rose on her left, stretching in a line to where it's furthest peaks rose above the far horizon. The third mountain furthest from where she stood was an active volcano, with black smoke rising, out of its rumbling crater. This was the source of the distant rumbling that caused the ground beneath her feet to tremble.

A hot, dry breeze blew, and heat wave mirage puddles shimmered on the path, that came out of the jungle, and went through a field of red grass and weeds. The path now consisted of crushed, gray gravel. It went a few hundred feet, to where it reached a two lane, black asphalt road. Just before the path reached the road, the gravel widened out into a parking lot in front of a bright yellow thatched cabana on the right, with a sign identifying the establishment as "CANNIBAL SNACKS." A Cadillac Convertible was the only vehicle in the parking lot. A small number of cars and trucks passed along the roadway, at irregular intervals.

Cannibal Snacks was a lunch stand, with four tables under a thatched roof. There were vending machines, dispensing snacks and drinks, at the back of the cabana. One table was occupied by three anxious looking young women in their mid teens. Each girl was dressed in only a pair of slacks and sneakers, and had a mug containing a red liquid with a foamy head, on the table in front of her. Their handbags lay beside their drinks. As Cordelia approached them, the three girls looked at her uneasily.

She came up to them and said, "Hi. I'm Cordelia Chase."

The three forced nervous smiles. Two of them were blonde. The other had curly dark hair, and wore glasses.

"Hi Cordelia." One of the blondes spoke with a trembling voice. "I'm Donna Martin."

The other blonde spoke just as nervously. "I'm Kelly Taylor."

The dark haired girl with the glasses was as tense as the other two. She said, "Andrea Zuckerman here."

Cordelia again said, "Hi." Then she said, "I come from L.A. But I first arrived there from Sunnydale, California."

The three remained tense.

Donna told her, "Beverly Hills here."

"Sunnydale?" Andrea spoke, "You came from the Hellmouth?"

"That's what some people call Sunnydale; but it's really not all that bad."

"I wasn't talking about Sunnydale." She pointed back along the way Cordelia had just come. "I meant the Hellmouth right over there."

Cordelia looked back toward the Jungle. Above the opening in the jungle that she'd just stepped through, she saw a sign saying, "FROM BENEATH YOU IT DEVOURS!!!"

Cordelia said, "I used to hear that saying a lot, when I lived in Sunnydale."

The girl name Kelly said, "It's even more accurate here."

"Will one of you please tell me," Cordelia asked, "Exactly where is 'here'?"

Andrea told her, "We are at the edge of a Demonic Dimension, Cordelia. Welcome to Beelzebubia."

Cordelia nodded, "I was afraid of that. Last night I was watching a travel show on the Demon Network. I made a wish..."

"You too huh?" Donna said, "So did we. Then we spoke the name 'Beelzebub' three times. That was three weeks ago."

"Now we've had enough!" Kelly told her, "They want to make us fight each other to the death, as women gladiators!"

Andrea added, "While dressed in only our shoes!"

Cordelia said, "I think I'm gonna be taking part in that myself; but I'm gonna be able to handle it."

"Sure." said Donna. "That's 'cause you belong here. We don't. You're gonna try to kill strangers, who are gonna be trying to kill you. But the people in charge of us, want us to kill each other, and we're just not gonna do that."

Kelly told her, "We're on our way back to Beverly Hills, and our boyfriends. We've been looking for a way out, and we were told about this spot."

"This spot?" Cordelia asked, "Where you might get devoured from beneath? And that's not just a figure of speech. There's quicksand, and giant plants that eat people, and who knows how many headhunters!"

"It's worth the risk," Kelly told her.

Donna and Andrea both nodded in agreement.

Kelly added, "And so is my boyfriend Dylan."

Donna said, "And so is David. My boyfriend."

Andrea added, "And Brandon," she smiled nervously "who I'd like to be my boyfriend."

"And then there's his sister Brenda." Kelly spoke. "Brenda Walsh came here with us from Beverly Hills. She's got a thing for Dylan too, and she was going back with us. She went on into the jungle first. She said she was going on ahead, to scout it out for us. I think she's just gone on ahead, to reach Dylan first."

Donna said, "She and Brenda would have fought to the death over Dylan, if he was here."

"But he's not!" Kelly shouted, "He's back in Beverly Hills, along with David and Brandon!"

Now Cordelia told the three, "If any of you try to go through there," She pointed back along the trail. "there's a strong chance that none of you will live to meet any of your boyfriends again."

Andrea told Cordelia, "You just made it through there alive."

Cordelia told her, "But your friend Brenda Walsh didn't!"

Andrea gasped and all three of them looked horrified.

Now Donna pointed "And you're holding Brenda's handbag!"

Cordelia took two steps back.

Donna's voice was angry. "And you're wearing her slacks! And that looks like her sneakers on your feet!"

Cordelia backed up another step.

Donna asked angrily, "Did you kill her?"

Cordelia shook her head. "No! No! She was already dead! A giant plant was eating her!"

The three girls from Beverly Hills got up out of their chairs, looking angry. They moved around the table and began to approach Cordelia. She took a few more steps back.

Kelly shouted, "A giant plant my ass! What'd it spit out her clothes, 'cause they're inedible?"

"That's how it looked to me."

Cordelia heard a loud twang behind her back. An arrow zoomed past her, striking Kelly directly between her breasts. Kelly cried out and fell dead.

From behind her, Cordelia heard a woman shout with a voice that sounded familiar. "You pussies leave her alone!"

Donna and Andrea faced the jungle, from where the arrow had been shot. They both looked terrified.

Cordelia turned to see what terrified them.

A woman in her early twenties approached them along the gravel trail. Her hair was black, and she had a hard expression on her face. She carried a crossbow in both hands. A quiver of arrows was slung over her left shoulder, with its strap going between her bare breasts. All she wore was a pair of black shorts. A machete and three shrunken heads were tied on her belt. She had sneakers on her feet.

She raised the crossbow and shouted. "Get out of the way Cordy!"

Cordelia backed away from Andrea and Donna.

The woman shot the crossbow again. An arrow stabbed deep through Andrea's chest. She screamed and died.

Donna stood trembling, with her hands at her side.

"We weren't gonna hurt her!" She pleaded. "We were just talking."

"That's not what this is about! Nobody told you pussies that you can leave! Now none of you are leaving!"

The woman shot the crossbow again. This third arrow stabbed the squealing Donna through the heart killing her.

Cordelia stood trembling above the bodies of the girls from Beverly Hills, while the woman who lowered the crossbow, walked up to the unkilled Cordelia.

"Relax Cordy." She said, "These pussies are dead. Nobody's doing you any harm while I'm around."

Cordelia said, "Faith?"

"That's right." The woman told her, "And everything between you and me's gonna be five by five from now on."

Cordelia stood with her hands open toward the dead girls. She spoke with a shaky voice. "You said you were killing them so they couldn't leave. Is this what you'll do to me, if I try to leave?"

"Anyone who tries to kill you'll get killed by me first. These three pussies were wussies. You're not. If you were, there'd now be four dead pussies lying here; but you don't belong with them. You're five by five as far as I can see."

"Thank you. I think."

Now Faith rested the crossbow across her right shoulder, holding it in her right hand.

She said, "Before you and me get going, I think you ought to go to the ladies room around the side, and get yourself cleaned up. When we get to Beelzebubapolis, you'll want to look presentable."

"Presentable?"

"Well right now, you look like you had a rough time in the jungle."

"I did." The woman told her, "I sank into quicksand over my boobs."

"Looks that way, both below and above 'em. Hate to say it, but if I was a guy, there's no way I'd want to fuck that."

Cordelia hurried around the corner of the cabana, where there were a pair of restrooms. She went in the ladies room, turned on the light, and looked in the mirror.

"Eeeew! Gross!" She laughed, "She's right! What guy'd want to fuck that?"

She cleaned herself up as best she could at the sink, then stepped back outside.

Faith was seated at a different table, from where the girls from Beverly Hills had sat. She was drinking the same red foamy beverage that they'd been drinking, from a mug.

The dead girls remained where they'd fallen, with the arrows sticking out of their chests; but their heads were gone.

Cordelia asked Faith, "You chopped their heads off?"

The woman looked in the direction of the convertible. "They're in the back seat, in a clear plastic bag. Once we get to Beelzebubapolis, I'll have 'em shrunk, so you can hang 'em on your belt."

"You want me to wear shrunken heads on my belt?"

"Well you want to be properly accessorized, don't you?"

"Accessorized?"

"Right." Faith told her, "In this Dimension a woman just doesn't go anyplace without at least one shrunken head on her belt."

"Of course not!" Cordelia smiled. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

Then Faith gulped down the last few mouthfuls from the mug, stood up and pointed toward the table where the three dead girls had been seated.

"They won't be needing those handbags anymore, so let's grab 'em. See what money or ATM cards they were carrying, and if we might be able to use 'em."

"What?"

"Same thing you were just doin', back there in the jungle; or so I just overheard."

Cordelia asked, "You mean killing people and stealing from them isn't against the law here?"

"Nah." Faith leered. "Here in Beelzebubia, it's everyone for himself, or herself; or for whatever gang you're a member of."

"Oh. I see. Does that mean you want to make me a member of your gang?"

"You'd be a welcome addition," Faith said, "but the one who sent me here to meet you might have other plans."

"Someone sent you to meet me? They knew I was coming?"

"You want to grab those handbags Cordy?"

Cordelia stepped around the bodies of the dead girls, went over to the table, and picked up all three of their handbags, while Faith went over to the convertible, opened the left front door, slid in behind the wheel and shut the door.

Whichever one of the dead girls had been driving, she'd left the key in the ignition. Faith started the engine. Cordelia came over, carrying all three handbags, got into the right front seat and shut the door, while Faith put the car into gear.

Cordelia looked back at the three corpses. "What about them?"

"Don't worry. 'From beneath them it devours.'" Faith grinned. "They're good looking pussy, and here in Beelzebubia, good looking pussy like them and us, are every Thing's favorite food."

"Us?"

Faith halted the car at the edge of the parking lot. Then she made a left turn, and drove along the winding, two lane, asphalt road, passing under the branches of tall trees that were thick with broad red leaves, and drove past farmland, where growing red crops had been planted in rows.

Cordelia had dropped two of the handbags at her feet, beside the one she'd picked up in the jungle. Now she was going through the one on her lap.

"You're right." She said, "This one's got lot's of cash, and more than a dozen credit and debit cards. I just can't find their pin numbers."

"No problem girl." Faith told her, "I know someone who can find that out for us, for a small percentage."

"What am I doing?" Cordelia dropped the wallet she'd been holding, back in the handbag and snapped it shut. "I've only been in this Demon Dimension for about an hour, and I'm already turning into a major class A felon?"

Faith chuckled. "Like I said Cordelia, you're no wussy pussy, like those Beverly Hills bimbos. They won't be needing them any more. You're five by five and fine with me; and you'll be that way with all the five by five people here."

Now Cordelia said, "So this is where you've been. After you broke out of jail a year ago, no one's had any idea of what become of you."

"I didn't actually 'break out'." Faith told her. "I was broken out. You see, I was on my bunk in my cell, watching some rerun on the TV that was facing my cell. Then without me doing a thing, the picture changed, and I was watching the Demon Network. There was this Travel Show, that was exploring Beelzebubia. There was a tour show hostess, and a message came on saying, 'Wouldn't you love to have her job?'

"I was sitting in a prison cell, so of course I said yes. I also said that I didn't really want her job, but I'd have loved to be where she was."

Cordelia asked, "Did you repeat the name of Beelzebub three times?"

"So you know how it works?"

The woman nodded. "Same thing happened to me; except that I was in my living room in L.A., not a prison cell; and it looks like I do have her job; but her job ended with her getting killed."

Faith said, "I suppose that means that you want to get back to L.A., quick as a bunny, don't you?"

"Yeah. If staying here's gonna get me killed, I do; but if I try to leave, won't that get me killed too, like those three pussies back there? I can't believe I just said that word."

"It doesn't have to be that way girl. I know some people, who might be able to help get you a real job, instead of just some temporary gig."

"A real job?" Cordelia said, "Back in L.A. I was working full time for Angel Investigations."

Faith told her, "I'm sure you'll have no problem fitting right in here."

"I'm not sure if I want to 'fit right in'."

"Give it a chance Cordelia. You might actually get to like it here in Beelzebubia, so much that you won't want to go back. I know I don't, and that's not just 'cause I'd be going back to jail. I know that Beelzebubia's got a stupid sounding name, but that don't really matter. What matters is that this is my kind of Dimension; and Beelzebubapolis is my kind of town. You might get to feel the same way yourself. What do you think?"

Cordelia said, "What do I think? I think I'm gonna be a dead TV Travel Show Hostess, by the end of the week!"

Faith told her, "Don't be so sure."

Cordelia told her, "When the message asked if I'd love to have her job, I didn't just say yes. I said, 'You better believe it! I'd be living good, eating good, and sleeping really good, and if I do end up as a sexy corpse, it'd be worth it.'"

"Like I said Cordy girl, Beelzebubapolis is your kind of town."

"But I was joking! I didn't really mean it!"


	4. Chapter 4

4

Flashes of dazzling blue lightning slashed and thundered around the skyscrapers of downtown Beelzebubapolis. The lightning flashed and thundered all around Faith and Cordelia, while they drove along the City's avenues, with the convertible's top still open.

Cordelia spoke nervously. "Aren't you gonna put the top up? There might be a downpour of acid rain at any moment!"

"Don't worry about that Cordy. Look up in the sky. There's not a cloud to be seen. It's all just lightning."

"But don't we need a shield against the lightning?"

"The tires are rubber. That's all the insulation we need."

"But what if..."

"Cordelia!" Faith ordered, "Don't be a wussy!"

"How is that being a..."

"You saw what happens to girls who are."

Cordelia stiffened. Then she nodded. "Right."

What's going on? Cordelia wondered. I'm riding in a stolen car, with Faith, who's been convicted of multiple murders? I've just seen her murder three teenage girls, and then I helped steal their handbags, containing their money and credit cards. Now I'm riding in their stolen car, with their heads in the backseat, in a clear plastic bag, and I'm expecting to profit from all these crimes. That makes me an accessory to murder, robbery and grand theft auto. Do those things really go unpunished in this Dimension, like Faith said?

Just how much should I believe about what Faith tells me?

"Look." Faith told her, "Nobody else is worried."

The traffic had stopped for a red light. Cordelia looked at the bare chested pedestrians moving along the sidewalks on both sides of the avenue. They moved about casually, as they went in and out of the small shops, paying no attention to the dazzling flashes that thundered all around them.

The traffic light changed to green, and they moved ahead with the traffic.

They were driving through the middle of Downtown Beelzebubapolis, and reached the City's Central Plaza. The Temple of Beelzebub, a massive, five-tiered stepped pyramid, stood on the Plaza's north side. A grand stairway ascended along the front, across all five tiers, from the pavement to the apex.

A girl in her mid-teens stood on the apex, between a pair of vertical stakes, to which her outstretched arms were tied by the wrists. She was not struggling.

Cordelia asked Faith, "What, no mass immolations?"

"This isn't a holiday."

"Oh."

"She's the daily Sacrifice. She'll be standing there all day, as a sign of assurance, that all is well in the City of Beelzebubapolis."

Cordelia said, "All day?"

A dazzling, thundering lightning bolt, struck the top of the Pyramid, at the exact spot where the Maiden was tied, killing her.

As the thunder began to fade, the dead girl sank forward, but was upheld by the chords, and remained standing where she died, for all her fellow citizens to see.

Now the sky was clear and green. The lightning and thunder had ceased.

"That pussy was no wussy." Faith said, "All is well in Beelzebubapolis."

"That's comforting to know."

They drove on out of the Downtown, and went on until they reached a residential district, with one and two story, pastel colored stucco buildings, standing along narrow streets paved with blue cobblestones that shimmered in the sweltering heat. There were narrow sidewalks, only wide enough for one pedestrian at a time. Each house had a narrow doorway and a few small windows. Few cars were parked along the streets of this neighborhood.

Faith pulled over to the right, and parked in front of a narrow doorway, in the bright yellow wall of a two story structure. A wooden sign hung from a cast iron rod above the doorway, identifying the establishment as, "Academy Five by Five".

"Well here we are Cordelia." Faith told her, "This is where you'll be staying for a while."

"An Academy?" The woman asked, "Just what do they teach here anyway?"

"Girls." Faith told her, "We teach girls who just fell off the turnip truck, like you just did. This is where they learn what every young woman should know, about getting along in this Demonic Dimension."

"I remember," Cordelia told her, "When I was watching the Demon Network. I thought I recognized you, as the captain of a girl's gladiator team."

"Yeah. Athletic competition is part of our curriculum."

"And the three pus...I mean the girls you killed, up by 'Cannibal Snacks', told me that they were going to be forced to fight each other to the death, as gladiators."

Faith said, "I bet you're hungry. Let's get inside."

The two of them got out of the car. Cordelia carried all four handbags, while Faith carried her crossbow. She reached into the back of the vehicle, and picked up the clear plastic bag with the three girls' heads inside. They locked the doors. Then Faith raised the top, locked it in place and took the keys with her.

"We don't want some unethical person stealing this," she said, "before I bring it back to the rental office. Can't get the deposit refunded that way."

Then she and Cordelia went over to the Academy's door.

Faith asked, "So how's everyone back in L.A.? How's Angel, that hunk of a vampire that you've got for a boss?"

Cordelia replied, "Still a hunk."

"And I can't believe you're not vampire yet." Faith told her, "You been working for the guy for almost two years, and you're still alive?"

"I find it hard to believe myself, sometimes."

"Hey girl, if I had a hunk like him for a boss, I'd have been giving him wham-bam thank you ma'am within a week. I know I'd have never got out from under him alive," she chuckled, "but what a way to go!"

Faith rang the doorbell.

From behind the door they heard a woman call out, "Just a minute!"

Cordelia told her, "Well Angel and I are always careful."

"Careful?" Faith laughed. "I was told that according to the Gypsy curse, if he has one moment of pure pleasure or true contentment, he'll lose his soul again and go back to being evil."

"That's according to the Gypsy curse;" Cordelia smirked, "but no guy's ever had pure pleasure or contentment with me."

Now the door opened inward. A girl around Cordelia's age, with black hair and a full figure, stood in the doorway. She was dressed in only a short blue skirt that reached a third way down her thighs and matching shoes. She held an armed crossbow at waist height, pointing it at Faith's breasts.

Faith was startled, "Brenda?"

The girl said, "Hi Faith."

Then she shot the crossbow. The arrow stabbed deep, between Faith's left breast and her breastbone. Faith cried out, dropping both her crossbow and the bag with the heads, while she collapsed and then lay stretched out dead on the sidewalk.

The crossbow held by the girl named Brenda, reset itself with a new arrow, that she aimed Cordelia's breasts.

She asked, "Are you Cordelia?"

Cordelia stood there holding the four handbags and nodded. There was panic in her voice. "That's right."

"Come inside."

She stepped through the doorway, into a large, four sided, two story tall, rectangular red garden courtyard with a splashing fountain in the center, surrounded by tables set under umbrellas. Private rooms with numbers on their doors faced out onto the courtyard. There were a few round table, where a dozen teenage girls were seated or standing, talking casually with each other. They were all dressed like Brenda, in short skirts and matching footwear.

Cordelia entered the courtyard ahead of Brenda, who had the crossbow pointed at her back. Three girls got up from one table, and hurried over to them. They were Kelly, Andrea and Donna. They all had angry looks on their faces.

Now Brenda called out, "I just killed that pussy Faith!"

Kelly, Andrea and Donna cheered, while the other girls looked at each other uneasily.

Now the four from Beverly Hills surrounded Cordelia.

Donna said, "This pussy's holding our handbags!"

"Here!" Cordelia stretched her arms forward. "We didn't spend any of your money, or use any of your ATM cards."

Donna, Kelly and Andrea each grabbed her own handbag away from Cordelia's grasp. Kelly also grabbed Brenda's handbag, and handed it back to her.

Now Brenda told Cordelia, "You're wearing my slacks! And my sneakers!"

Cordelia turned to face her. "But you were lying dead, inside the pod of a giant venus flytrap, that was eating you...slowly. You didn't look like you'd be needing them any..."

Donna laughed. "Things are kind of strange, when you first get to this Dimension."

"'Kind' of strange?" Cordelia shouted, "The sky is green! Plants eat people! There's lightning, when there are no clouds in the sky! I saw you three get killed by Faith, about an hour and a half ago. Then she chopped your heads off; and Brenda here was being eaten by a giant venus flytrap. Then when we showed up here, she was waiting for us, and she killed Faith; and you three, who Faith killed, were waiting for us to show up too? Your heads are back on your bodies, while your heads are also in a plastic bag? And that's just the beginning of 'kind of strange'!"

Kelly chuckled. "It does take a while to get used to things here."

"Never mind that!" Brenda shouted, "I'm alive now, and I do need my slacks and sneakers; so get out of them now!"

Cordelia asked, "Now? You mean right here?"

"That's right." Brenda shoved the crossbow up against her breast. "Either get naked or get dead."

Brenda took a step back. Kelly, Andrea and Donna all checked through their returned handbags, while Cordelia knelt down. She untied the sneakers and removed them. Then she quickly unbuckled the belt, unzipped the jeans, and pulled them off. Then she stood up naked, kicking the slacks and sneakers toward Brenda.

Donna said, "All my money's here."

"So's mine." Kelly told Brenda.

Andrea added, "Same here."

Brenda handed the crossbow to Kelly, who continued pointing it at Cordelia; while Brenda looked through her own handbag.

"None of this has been spent." She said, "The car's outside. Let's get going."

Kelly still pointed the crossbow at Cordelia.

She asked, "Do you want me to kill this pussy?"

Brenda repeated, "Let's get going!"

Brenda, Kelly, Andrea and Donna then hurried out the door, carrying the crossbow and their handbags, along with the slacks and sneakers that Cordelia had just removed.

Cordelia's feet hurt against the patio's slate floor. She heard the engine of the car that Faith had just parked outside. Then she heard the car drive off.

Now a tall, slim figured girl with long dark hair, rose up from beside a table, and hurried over to Cordelia.

"Hi." she said, "I'm Amanda. Did you just arrive in this Dimension?"

"Yes." Cordelia felt disoriented. "A little more than two hours ago. Everything here's upside down, inside out and backwards."

She walked with Amanda over to the table where she'd been sitting. A blonde girl with a round face and round figure was seated there.

Amanda said, "This is Cassie."

"Hi Cassie. I'm Cordelia."

Cassie gave her a shy smile.

"So Cordelia," Amanda asked "are you okay now?"

"Am I what?" Cordelia shouted, "Am I 'okay'? Will you look at me! I'm anything but okay!"

The woman from L.A., who'd just arrived at the Academy Five by Five, collasped into a thickly cushoned chair, beside the table.

"It's all right Cordelia." Amanda tried to speak in a comforting way. "You will be. Things are kind of strange, when you first get to this Dimension, but you'll learn how to get along soon enough."

Cordelia told her, "'Soon enough' isn't soon enough."

Cassie chuckled. "It helps to be patient."

"It's not funny!" Cordelia whined, "I'm naked. I have no clothes, no money..."

"It's okay Cordelia." Amanda told her, "You're at the Five by Five Academy. That's where girls like us are supposed to be."

Cordelia stopped whining. "Oh? And exactly what do you mean by 'girls like us'?"

Cassie said, "Girls like us, are girls like Faith."

"What do you mean 'like Faith'? You're all escaped convicts?"

"No!" Amanda shook her head, "Of course not. What I mean is that Faith is a Vampire Slayer, and so are we."

Cassie said, "Or we will be."

Cordelia repeated, "Will be? You're all Potential Slayers?"

"And if you're here Cordelia," Cassie said, "it means that you are too."


	5. Chapter 5

5

In the Academy Five by Five, a girl named Kennedy allowed Cordelia to use the shower stall in her room. She also lent Cordelia one of her own skirts, that hung halfway down her thighs, along with a pair of sneakers.

Then Cordelia returned to the garden courtyard. She saw Faith, alive and intact, seated at the same table as Amanda and Cassie. There was now a man among them, sitting beside Faith. He appeared to be in his mid-twenties. He wore bluejeans, had a firm build and curly blonde hair.

Cordelia came over to them.

"Hi Cordy." Faith smiled, "I'm sure you remember my husband here."

"Hi Faith." Cordelia then spoke to the man. "Hello Spike."

"Nice to see you again Cordelia." He spoke with an English Cockney accent.

Cordelia looked at he and Faith with amusement. "Husband?"

"Surprising huh?" Faith chuckled, "Turns out that this vampire guy is my kind of guy."

"When you think about it," Cordelia said, "it's really not all that surprising."

"That's for certain." Spike smirked, "Nobody's better matched than this vampire, and Faith the Slayer-Vampire."

Cordelia asked, "'Slayer-Vampire'?"

"That's right." Faith grinned, this time showing a pair of fully extended fangs in her mouth.

Now Spike explained. "Same story as everyone here. I was in my crypt, watchin' the Demon Network on the telly. Made a wish, and repeated the demon's name three times. Liked it here a lot better. Decided to stay."

"Sure." Cordelia said, "In this Dimension, you vampire's don't burn up into cinders, when you're out under the sun."

He said, "I'd been here about a month, when I ran into my natural enemy Faith again."

She continued the narrative. "We fought. He overpowered me." She and Spike exchanged loving smiles. "Then I was a naked dead Slayer, lying at the feet of a Vampire, who'd already killed two other Slayers."

Cordelia asked Spike, "You killed a Slayer, and then turned her into a vampire?"

"That wasn't intentional." He told her. "I expected her to stay just as dead as everyone else I've killed. It's just that here, when someone who's already a demon gets killed, it's a temporary condition."

"Already a demon?" Now the woman from Angel Investigations said, "That explains this. The four girls, who got killed back at Cannibal Snacks, were waiting for Faith and me, when we showed up here, and then one of them killed Faith. I'd been wondering if she'd developed the same ability herself."

Faith chuckled, "Welcome to Beelzebubia Miss Chase. So what do you think of Academy Five by Five so far?"

"Amanda and Cassie tell me that every girl here is a Potential Vampire Slayer. Now yesterday at Angel Investigations, we received word from the Watchers' Council. They told us that during the last two months, all the known Potential Slayers had vanished, one by one. Nobody's had any idea what's happened to any of them or where they are."

"Where we are," Amanda told her, "is here in Beelzebubia, in the City of Beelzebubapolis."

Cassie nodded sadly.

Cordelia said, "And I suppose you also watched the Demon TV Network, on Channel 666?"

Amanda told her, "Yes. We all did, and every one of us here made a wish."

Cassie added, "And we all said 'Beelzebubapolis fast, three times in a row."

Faith added, "Just like me and you Cordy."

Cordelia told her, "That doesn't mean I'm a Potential Slayer. I'm sure there were a lot more people than us, who watched the demon network and then made a wish, and repeated the demon's name three times. I just happened to get caught up in the same net as everybody else; like those four pussi--girls from Beverly Hills."

"You're right about them." Faith said, "They sure didn't belong with us here at the Academy. Instead of fighting vampires, all they want to do is get back to Beverly Hills and bang their boyfriends."

"Well," Cordelia asked, "what girl here wouldn't prefer that?"

"I wouldn't. Now that I've got good ole Spikey here."

She and Spike again exchanged loving glances.

"As for the rest of the girls, there are more than enough guys right here in Beelzebubapolis, for every gal in this Academy to play 'Wham-bam thank you ma'am' with, without interfering with their training as Potential Slayers; and they don't even have to leave the premises."

"They don't have to leave the...?"

"On these premises, we train to be vampire slayers, and then we party with our trainers."

Now the girls all cheered.

"These girls Party? With their trainers?"

Amanda and Cassie both laughed and nodded.

Cordelia spoke sharply. "Faith! They're all high school girls! And you've got some very unseemly activities going on here at this Academy of yours?"

"Of course we do Cordy." Faith told her, "This is a demonic dimension. What else would you expect, when their trainers are all vampires?"

"Vampires?"

Spike told her, "Me and some of my buds have been helping train the girls here. Making sure they'll be ready for whatever may befall them, when they've returned to the Mortal Dimension."

"Returned?" Cordelia asked, "Then we can return?"

Faith said, "Yes, but there is a catch."

"Isn't there always?"

"No mortal person," Faith explained, "who gets trapped here in Beelzebubia, is ever allowed to return to the Mortal Dimension, unless and until, he or she becomes a demon himself or herself."

Amanda explained, "We have to earn our horns first."

"I see." Cordelia now sat down at the table.

She asked, "You mean that any girl here who returns to our Dimension, will be a Potential Slayer who is also a demon?"

"That's right." Faith told her, "She'll be a demon of the vampire variety. When it comes to training, Spike and his friends never pull any punches; or bitings."

"You mean all of you here are vampires?

"Not all of us," Faith said "yet. Once every potential slayer has earned her horns, we'll all be returning to our old dimension as Slayer-Vampires."

Cordelia asked, "All of you?"

"That's right." Spike smirked. So did Faith, Amanda and Cassie, who now all displayed their fangs.

He told her, "Sunnydale will be ours."

Cassie added, "And that'd be just the beginning."

Cordelia looked around herself, at the dozen or so girls who were seated at the tables in the courtyard, all staring at her.

She said, "Then I suppose I shouldn't expect to be leaving this Academy of yours alive?"

Faith said, "Not if you ever want to return to L.A. You'll have to earn your horns, just like the rest of us; and right now Cordy, you're just not horny enough."

Cassie and Amanda giggled.

"Unless," Cordelia told them, "I can bring myself back, by using the same method that was used to bring me here in the first place."

"Same method?"

"I wish I was back in Los Angeles." Cordelia quickly repeated, "George Washington. George Washington. George Washington."

She sat there waiting to see if something would happen.

After about a minute, Faith asked with amusement, "'George Washington'?"

Cordelia shrugged. "Well it was worth a shot."

Spike said, "Sorry love. None of us can leave Beelzebubia the same way we arrived. The only way anyone can return, is through the portal of the hellmouth to Sunnydale, which is located in the seaside resort town of Port Lucifer."

Faith added, "And as I said, you have to become a demon to be allowed passage."

Cordelia said sharply, "Well if that's the only way to get myself back to Los Angeles, I wish to be allowed passage through the hellmouth at Port Lucifer!"

Then she quickly shouted the name, "Beelzebub! Beelzebub! Beelzebub!"

There was a sudden shift. Everything changed. Cordelia was no longer seated at the table in the courtyard of the Academy Five by Five.


	6. Chapter 6

6

Cordelia was no longer seated at the table in the courtyard of the Academy Five by Five. Now it was night and she was seated at a table in a sidewalk restaurant. The remains of her dinner lay in a plate in front of her. A wineglass containing a red liquid was in her hand, and a young local guy sat beside her, with his arm around her shoulder, casually stroking her bare breast with his fingers.

She now wore a light green skirt, hanging a quarter ways down her thighs, matching pumps on her feet, and the shrunken blonde head of Kelly Taylor, dangled between her uncovered breasts, on a chain of human knuckle bones around her neck. She also wore earrings; a pair of bracelets and a hairclip, all carved from human bones.

I've gone back to being a TV Travel Show Hostess. She thought, Is this what I have to do to earn my horns, and get back to L.A?

She didn't see any camera or microphone, but she said the words,

"In the morning, the monthly Sacrifices to the Demons Moloch and Beelzebub will begin, during which many Celebrants will die. I will be among the Celebrants. That means there is a chance that you might actually get to watch me, your Guide, being killed on your TV screen. Those of you, who are regular viewers, know that if that does happen, I won't be the first 'Bloodthirsty Traveler' Tour Guide to whom that will have happened."

Then she laughed with a slurring voice. "And that's why they pay us those big bucks!

"Yeah--right! If we live to collect our salaries!

"Since I might die tomorrow," her voice continued to slur, as she leered. "I'm being a very bad girl tonight. I'm sitting here bare breasted; having just dined on well cooked human flesh. I've been drinking cocktails of human blood, mixed with 151 proof rum; and I am now extremely drunk. I am also very horny, and am going to be getting fucked--I mean having casual, uncommitted, recreational sex with this studly guy who's got his arm around me, and giving my boobs a feel; whose name I'm not sure of, and who I will never see again after tonight.

"I promise that if I do survive the Celebration, I will go back to being a good girl; but tonight, I'm getting laid! Yeah! I can say it that way on Television! And I'm gonna be getting it good!"

Now she looked at the guy beside her. He was the same guy who'd been beside Kelly Bundy, when she'd appeared on Cordelia's TV screen.  
She asked, "You don't just happen to be married to a woman named Faith, do you?"

He was about to speak, when they were no longer seated at the table in the restaurant. Cordelia and Mr. What's His Name, were lying naked on a bed, inside a dark hotel room. He was on top of her, and she was looking up at the shrunken heads of a man and a woman, dangling from a hook on the wall, above the headboard. The pair of heads was softly illuminated by light coming through the window.

He was rhythmically thrusting into her, and shooting off, while she rhythmically moaned. "Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmmmmm!"

She felt his open mouth against her neck. He has a pair of very sharp fangs.

"You're a vampire!" She said, "You're killing me now! Oh!

"Aaaaaaaaaah!"

She whispered, "I wish you were Angel!"

There was a sudden time shift. Cordelia was still lying naked on the bed, in the same hotel room, with morning light coming through the window. Her partner from the night before was gone.

He was a vampire. She thought, He killed me. Now I'm a vampire.

She put her hand up to her mouth, to feel her new fangs. She had no fangs. She felt her warm breath on her hand.

I'm still alive? I haven't got my fangs, or earned my horns?

She sat up and heard a tiny, high-pitched voice speak. "Gives good fucking and sucking, doesn't he?"

Cordelia looked at the wall above the headboard, where the voice had come from. The pair of shrunken heads was hanging there. She was looking at the head of Kelly Bundy, which had been shrunk to the size of a cue ball. The man's shrunken head had the face of Angel.

Kelly Bundy's shrunken head spoke again. "I've never felt more alive, than when he was inside me."

That's the same thing I told Angel once, she thought, but he was the only one who heard me say it.

Again things shifted. Cordelia was seated alone, at the same table where she'd been the night before. A large cup of coffee was in front of her. She had a sour taste in her mouth.

She again saw no camera or microphone, but she spoke the words of the TV Hostess.

"It is now the morning after the night before. I am completely hung over and totally fucked out. My studly partner from last night is gone, and never to be seen by me again. Believe me. From now on, I'm being a good girl."

She now sipped some coffee from the cup in front of her, and felt like gagging.

Then she announced, "Last night, all of us Celebrants here in Beelzebubapolis, were having what might be our final fling. Today we're getting down to business! So let the Sacrifices begin!"

Things shifted once more. Cordelia now stood on the playing field of a Sports Stadium. She was in a line of a dozen High School Girls, dressed only in sandals, and armed with swords and shields. They were the girls from the Academy Five by Five. A crowd of thousands of people was packed into the stands surrounding them.

Amanda stood on Cordelia's right. Cassie was on her left. Faith stood to the right of Amanda.

Faith grinned. "Hi there Cordy. Earned your horns yet?"

Cordelia thought it over. "I'm not sure, except that right now, I'm probably the horniest gal here; but I think I'm making progress."

In the stands a trumpet sounded. The Five by Five girls rushed forward, and came up against another line of a dozen girls, who also wore only sandals and were armed with swords and shields. The four from Beverly Hills were among them. Cordelia found herself facing Kelly. Faith and Brenda began to fight. Amanda fought with Donna, and Cassie faced Andrea. The crowd roared, shouting for blood.

All the girls fought, without holding back. Amanda got her sword around Donna's shield, and plunged her sword in deep, killing the blonde. Cassie screamed loudly, when Andrea thrust her sword deep into the Five by Five girl's chest. Then Cassie fell dead.

Brenda died, with Faith's sword in her heart, and Kelly lay dead at Cordelia's feet.

This combat was over. Academy Five by Five had won.

As the crowd cheered, Cordelia asked Faith, "Tell me, were you married to somebody else in this Dimension, before you married Spike?"

Faith was about to reply when things shifted again.

Cordelia Chase stood naked in the shimmering heat waves, in the middle of Beelzebubapolis' Main Central Plaza, with the bodies of the sacrificed displayed in the background.

She smiled pleasantly. "It's now a week since that opening sequence." She touched a dark object tied on her belt, with the fingers of her right hand. "This is the shrunken head of the man I killed then.

"The Sacrifices are completed. The Celebration has ended, and I have survived. Things are returning to normal here in Beelzebubapolis. From here, we'll be going down to the seaside resort town of Port Lucifer, where...Kuh!"

An arrow had been shot through her left breast, gone through her lung, and was now poking out her back.

She looked at the feathers on the end of the shaft that was sticking out of a small bloody patch on her breast.

She muttered, "Oh shit."

Then she looked up, and spoke with a raspy, gasping voice.

"Some folks are still celebrating!"

She made a choking sound. Blood came out of her mouth. She shut her eyes and collapsed.

In her quickly diminishing mind, Cordelia thought, I've gone through it all. I hope I've earned my horns.

Her mind vanished.

Then her mind returned. She felt light. Nothing was holding her down. She opened her eyes. It was nighttime. She was in a dark, familiar looking room, hovering over a bed. A naked man and woman were in the bed; he was on top of her. The bed shook while the woman moaned.

"Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmm! Hmmmmmmm! I'm coming! Oh! Aaaaaaaaaah!"

Then the woman shouted, "Hey! What are they recording this?"

Cordelia thought, She's the new Travel Show Hostess. She's doing and saying what I said and did; but not exactly. I said and did what Kelly Bundy said and did; but not exactly.  
I'm now the shrunken head that's hanging over the bed! Just like Kelly Bundy's head!

There was a sudden time shift. The woman was lying naked on the bed in the same hotel room, with morning light coming through the window. She had dark hair, and was in her late thirties. Her partner from the night before was gone. She had a pair of vampire fang wounds in her neck, and she was dead.

Cordelia recognized the woman. She was Lyla Morgan, an executive at Wolfram and Hart.

She opened her eyes and sat up. Then Cordelia's shrunken head called out, with a tiny, high- pitched voice. "Gives good fucking and sucking, doesn't he?"

Lyla Morgan looked at the wall above the headboard, where the voice had come from, at the pair of shrunken heads that hung there. She was looking at Cordelia's head, which had been shrunk to the size of a cue ball. She looked at the man's shrunken head that was dangling beside Cordelia's.

Cordelia's shrunken head spoke again. "I've never felt more alive, than when he was inside me."

Lyla had an amused expression on her face. She smirked at Cordelia, while displaying her new pair of vampire fangs, and chuckled. "Holland Manners?"

Cordelia's head shut her eyes, hearing the woman's laughter. She hung there, waiting to be transported out of this demonic dimension with her body once more intact, back to Los Angeles and into the arms of Angel, whose head would still be on his body.

She heard Faith's voice. "Cordelia!"

Her eyes opened. She was still a shrunken head hanging on the wall above the headboard in the hotel room. The orange daylight from this Dimension's sun, shone at a different angle outside the window.

Faith was now in the room, along with Lyla Morgan. They were both dressed in shorts and sneakers, with sheathed machetes hung on their belts. The shrunken head of Brenda Walsh was also tied on Faith's belt.

She said, "Hi Cordy. Lyla here says you know her. She's joining us. The time has come to return to our Dimension."

Lyla came over to the wall.

She said, "Good afternoon Cordelia. I'm pleased to have you on our side now."

Cordelia spoke in her tiny, high-pitched voice; "You have fangs."

Faith explained, "Spike vamped Ms. Morgan here three nights ago."

"Three nights? That was Spike?"

"Yes Miss Chase." Lyla told her, "I'm now a demon, so I'm qualified to accompany Faith and everyone else from the Academy Five by Five, on their journey down to Port Lucifer, and then on through the Hellmouth."

"You're going?" Cordelia asked, "Are you leaving me here? This way?"

"Nah!" Faith said, "Don't worry Cordy. You've earned your horns like the rest of us, so you're qualified to come with us."

Lyla Morgan reached out and unhooked the chord that suspended Cordelia's head, from the hook above the headboard. She tied the chord around her own belt, letting the head dangle at her right side. Then she and Faith stepped out of the hotel room, with Cordelia's head bouncing against the woman's right thigh.

Faith said, "You'll be going with us Cordy, as a demon shrunken head that can talk. I can hardly wait to see the look on Angel's face, when we walk into his office, and he sees you this way.

"Lyla says she'd like to hang you on the wall over Angel's bed, so you can watch while the two of us, along with all the pussies from the Academy Five by Five, take turns banging him."

Lyla said, "I bet I ll never feel more alive, than when that undead hunk's inside me."

Then she and Faith walked down the Hotel corridor, laughing.

Cordelia's shrunken head cried out, in a high pitched, squeaky voice.

"I wish I was back in Los Angeles! I wish I was back in Los Angeles! Beelzebub! Beelzebub! Beelzebub!"

Immediately, her head was back to its proper size, attached to her body, fully alive and intact.

Cordelia found herself standing outside the door to a thatched hut that stood beside a trail through a red colored jungle.

She looked at herself. She was naked except for a pair of sandals, and was gripping a six-foot long spear in both hands.

It's starting all over again?

"No!" She shouted, "I don t want any more of this! I wished I was back to Los Angeles twice! Then I spoke a demon's name three times!"

There is a way, she thougth, that I can get back to L.A. I just have to agree to become a demon; but if I do, I'll be betraying Angel and everyone else.

Then she sighed, shrugged and stepped away from the hut, turned a corner in the trail and kept moving forward.

She spoke. "The naked young woman sweated heavily in the hellish heat, as she walked along the path, through the dark red jungle behind her hut, without seeing the headhunter, who was hiding in the foliage to her left."

Then she shouted, "No! I ve had enough of this!"

She turned to her left, but instead of aiming the spear, she lifted it high and called out.

"Here you go fella!"

She tossed the spear into the foliage.

"This time you get to win!"

A man sprang out of the jungle in front of her. He was naked and held the spear that Cordelia had just tossed to him, aiming it at her breasts. She faced him with her hands on her hips, and thrust her breasts forward.

He leaped forward with a loud cry, plunging the entire spearhead into her chest. She felt her heart rip open, and howled in agony.

She said, with a harsh, rasping tone, "Thank you."

Cordelia fell away from the spear, rapidly dying.

She thought, I hope this time it s permanent. Beelzebub. Beelzebub. Beelzebub.

A moment later Cordelia Chase was comfortably dead and aware of nothing.

Then the nothingness ended, and she was again aware of her surroundings.

She thought, Oh hell,

She was surrounded by a sea of towering flames, with a strong stench of rotten eggs, and demons with horns sticking fiery pitchforks into naked people.

I'm in Hell. She thought, Permanently. I spoke the demon's name three times again.

But I m not a demon! I won t be betraying Angel or the others!

"Hey you!" She shouted, "Careful who you poke that burning pitchfork with, Bud!"


End file.
